


#madlads

by Dabberdees



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, because if anyone could do it it would be the doctor, this is that meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-19 05:14:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19968601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dabberdees/pseuds/Dabberdees
Summary: With a message from a friend the Doctor and her Fam have to enter one of the most secure places on the planet to break him out.





	#madlads

"Hey Mike,” greeted Andrea, walking forward and coming to stand next to her colleague.

Mike looks over to her and smiles quickly before returning to look over the desert. “Hey.”

“Seen any of those ‘ _we’re gonna storm area 51_ ’ folks yet?”

“Oh, don’t tell me you believe that nonsense,”

Andrea laughs out loud. “You really think I do?” She replied, still laughing. “No, I find it funny that some of them generally believe that they would be even able to get past the minefield, let alone our-” She pats the gun slung around her torso. “-weapons.”

"A bunch of internet dwellers going up against these," Mike said, looking down at it. "Yeah, that's not going to go well for them."

“Some of them said that we wouldn’t be able to stop all of them,” chuckled Andrea. “One sign of trouble and that gate back there-” She gestures with her thumb behind herself. “-would slam shut while we cleaned up.”

“Just be glad they aren’t crazy enough to do it then, well I hope anyway,” Mike added. “Considering the unique specimen we have back in there.”

"Too right, he's about the only alien we actually have."

Mike side-eyes her. "He looks like a human, though."

"Doesn't die like a human, Mike, he's got to be something different."

Mike shrugs and turns back to the desert. "I spose you're right."

"I know I am."

_Meanwhile in the middle of a corridor leading to a containment chamber…_

“Doc, are out of your bleeding mind? This is a military base of some kind-” Graham said in a very whispered tone, his eyes darting around and landing on a handy sign telling him where they are. “And not just any military base, and definitely not to be a downer like I usually am, but this is Area Fifty-Fucking-One, they’re gonna kill _us_.”

“Actually, Graham, it’s Area 51, not Area Fifty-Fucking-One, because that one is-” Her eyes widen ever so slightly and she shakes her head. “-a lot different, and no they won’t kill us, possibly torture us and definitely dissect me, but-" She shrugs. "Security won’t even know we’re here, and we're only after something I know.”

“So why are we here, Doctor?” asked Yaz. "All you've said is that it's something you know."

“Ten points to you Yaz for asking the important question.” The Doctor said with a beaming smile before turning back around and pulling out her sonic; she waves it around in the air before picking a direction and walking in it. “We’re here to rescue a friend that called for help-”

“Wait, you’re friends with the aliens here?” Ryan demanded, suddenly. “Oh man, I thought it was just the memes, didn't know there would actually be aliens here.”

“What is a meme?” Graham inquired, looking puzzled.

Ryan stares at Graham and considers how to explain them to the fifty-nine-year-old bloke. “It doesn’t matter, gramps.” He decides to tell Graham because that conversation is best left to have when they’re currently not performing an internet-dwellers wet dream, he thinks. “Anyway, you’re friends with the aliens here, Doctor?”

“Bit rude Ryan, and he’s less of an alien, more of a-” She waves a hand through the air. “You’ll see because he’s just behind this door.”

They each take a step back and wait for the Doctor to open the door. Their heads poke around, and they try to see within the darkened room before following after the Doctor when she steps inside. The lights flash on, and each person within the room blinks, eyes slowly becoming used to the sudden brightness.

“You took your time; my arms are getting serious cramp right now-” An American voice said with a pause as he looks over the four of them. He glances to Graham with uncertainty in his eyes. “Doctor?”

Graham stares back with a perplexed expression. “Dunno why you’re talking to me mate, cause-” He gestures to his left. “-she’s the Doc, I’m just a retired bus driver about to get killed because we’re rescuing you.”

The Doctor rolls her eyes and steps towards Jack. She glances over her shoulder. “You’re not going to get killed, well, not today anyway-”

“Oh, that’s reassuring.”

Jack's eyes widen at her approach. “This is new, Doctor, very new-” He said from his chair. “I see you’ve gone with a rainbow motif like your sixth self, even got yourself a coat and sensible boots for once, not like those previous shoes you had on.”

The Doctor ignores Graham’s grumbling from a moment ago and turns back to a grinning Jack. "Sensible boots and pockets!" She said. "Got to love pockets, most of the clothes I tried on had none or had those little fake pockets, ridiculous because how are you supposed to fit in your sonic and everything else you'll ever need?"

"She got right angry when nothing she tried on was practical," Ryan added.

Yaz looks to him. "Oh, she has a point, we literally don't get pockets because apparently, we don't have a phone to carry on us."

"Fair enough, was just saying," muttered Ryan while Yaz smiles back at him, giving him a slight nudge.

The Doctor looks over to Jack and his restraints, eyes working them out before she kneels and gets to work undoing them, “Seriously, Jack?” She said with exasperation. “Area 51?”

“You’ve not lived until you’ve been locked up in Area 51,” Jack smirk widens, and he looks up at her before flicking his eyes to her friends. “You travel with an entourage now I see.” He focuses on them, flashing each one his brilliant and award-winning smile. “Captain Jack Harkness, and who are you three?”

Ryan looks between them all and shrugs, deciding to go first. “I’m Ryan,”

“Nice to meet you, Ryan, hopefully, we’ll get to know each other quite well,” Jack responded before turning to Graham. “And you blue eyes?”

Graham frowns, brows furrowed in thought and it takes him a few seconds to figure out that Jack is actually speaking to him. “Oh! I’m blue eyes.”

“You are literally the only other person in this room, apart from him, that has them, gramps,” Ryan said. “Of course he’s talking to you because he ain't talking to himself-”

"Believe me, Ryan, if he could, he would." The Doctor said from her position on the floor. "And knowing him, he probably has."

“Gramps?” Jack said back at Ryan, deciding that the Doctor's companions are a bit more fun to speak to at the moment. He looks to Graham again. “And you still haven’t told me your name.”

“It’s Graham,” Graham said as he steps forward. “I would offer to shake your hand, but you’re kinda chained up, mate.”

“Oh there’ll be time for handshaking later,” Jack grins and gives a wink to Graham which causes the older mans frown from earlier to return.

“Stop it.”

Jack glances to the Doctor and spots her focused face as she works her sonic on his many restraints. “You don’t usually travel with someone older, and I'm only-”

“Jack.” The Doctor said again, this time pausing to look at him. “Stop it; he doesn't need that.”

“Oh, I’m not complaining Doc-”

“Graham, don’t open that can of worms.” The Doctor interjected. “Believe me; it’s better to stop now with Jack.”

Jack shrugs and turns to Yaz finally. “And how about you?” He flicks his eyes to the Doctor. “Still travelling with a pretty woman, I see.”

Yaz reddens, and she gives a slight splutter. “I’m Yasmin, or Yaz to my friends,”

“She’s a copper bruv,” Ryan added, much to Yaz’ embarrassment and he enjoys the look on her face. "Sheffield's finest."

Jack's eyes light up slightly, and he looks back to the Doctor. “And a police officer as well Doctor?” He doesn’t wait for a reply as he looks back to Yaz. “Maybe we can be friends-”

The Doctor pauses and stares long and hard at Jack, annoyed at the less than innocent look he’s directing at her. “I will leave you behind, and you’ll have to figure your own way out of this.”

“Such hard work, Doctor,” Jack answered back. “And I’m only saying hello-”

“You’re saying a lot more than hello Jack, now shut up, I’ve nearly got this-”

Jack feels the last of his bindings fall away, and he stands up quickly, legs giving out and he finds himself being caught by Yaz and Graham. “Oh, been locked in there for too long-” He grunts out, legs still feeling jelly-like. "I hope none of you tell Gwen about this."

“Why were you even locked up here in the first place?” Ryan asked with a frown. “You don’t look like an alien, and who is Gwen?”

“Assumptions, but-” Jack shrugs at Ryan and side-eyes the Doctor. “It’s a long story mate, now, give me a moment, and I’ll be able to grab my things and get myself out of here, just couldn’t get myself from the restraints.”

“Jack, I haven’t just come all this way to let you go out there by yourself, now come on, TARDIS is just around the corner.”

“Thought you were going to let me figure my own way out?”

The Doctor pulls a face at Jack before looking to Graham and Yaz. “Help him walk, Ryan come with me upfront.”

"One second, Doctor, I just wanna do something-" Ryan mumbled, wandering out of the room before anyone could say anything and much to Graham's displeasure.

"Ryan!" Graham said, almost loud but not enough to alert anyone.

It doesn't take long for Ryan to make his way back into the room; his hands pocketing something shaped like a rectangle. "I'm ready to go now."

The Doctor nods and takes up a position at the front with Ryan next to her. Yaz, Graham, and Jack are walking just behind her. Thankfully, the trip back to the TARDIS was just as uneventful as before, and they all, mainly Graham though, breathe a sigh of relief when they’re uneventfully back inside.

“I’m gonna slap a brew on,” Graham said after releasing Jack. “You all want a cuppa?”

“Oh that’ll be brilliant, Graham,” Yaz said with a smile. “The usual, yeah?”

Graham nods and looks to Ryan and the Doctor. “You two?” Ryan nods and Graham spots the Doctor just about to open her mouth. “Yes, Doc, I know how many sugars you want.” She smiles at him as he glances to Jack. “Want one?”

“I’ll have it black, blue eyes.”

Graham nods and purses his lips before shuffling off towards the kitchen. Jack looks back over to the Doctor again. “So how long since you've regenerated?”

“I'm still new, well, reasonably new, still figuring myself out, sorta.”

“And you’re friends?”

“The Fam.”

Jack looks to Ryan and Yaz with a raised eyebrow. “The Fam?”

“Dunno bruv, I thought we weren’t doing it, then we were, then we weren't,” Ryan explained with crossed arms. "Now, we are again."

“I like it, the Doctor and her Fam.”

Jack inclines his head and looks towards the Doctor. “Thanks for the save, Doctor, by the way.”

The Doctor waves his comment away. “It’s what friends with Time Machines are for.”

“Still, I appreciate it.”

“What were you really doing in there?” Yaz wondered aloud, curiosity eating away at her.

Jack turns to looks at her now, but his eyes move over the inside of the TARDIS. “I had to retrieve a device. It doesn’t matter what it was, just suffice to say if left there the damage it could’ve caused.” He turns his attention back to the Doctor. “Managed to send it away and to people I trust but got caught up before I could leave.”

“Hence why you called us there to you?” Yaz probed.

“How did you call us there if your hands were restrained?”

Jack glances to Ryan and grimaces. “You really don’t want to know.”

Ryan pulls a face at that, his mind taking him in all the wrong directions. “Yeah, don’t wanna know now.”

“Don’t wanna know what?” Graham asked as he makes his way back into the console room, five teas held within his hands like a champ. He hands them over to each person gathered before leaning back against the console and looking at them again. “Or is it best that I just pretend I didn’t hear the end of that conversation?”

“Probably for the best,” Jack said as he takes a swig of his tea, the liquid hot but welcoming after going for so long without a drink of any kind. “You can just drop me back off in Wales, Doctor. I’ll figure out where I need to go from there.”

“Sure about that?” The Doctor asked, eyes slightly playful. “Because I could take the long way round-

Jack looks to the console and narrows his eyes, flicking them between all her newer friends before smiling and shrugging. “Why not? Let’s go the long way round back to Cardiff.”

“Brilliant!”

* * *

There’s a sudden commotion behind Mike and Andrea, both turning around and placing their hands on their weapons. “What’s going on?” shouted Andrea to a passing soldier.

“Containment breach, the subject we had is missing-”

“Missing?” Mike demanded. “No one came in, how can he be missing?”

“I swear if our superiors find out that someone broke into Area 51, released a specimen and then escaped without anyone knowing, while this damn joke on the internet is going around.” Andrea rambled in panic, “We’ll be a laughing stock, and people would actually come to storm us, believing they could-”

Mike's eyes widen. “So we better keep it a secret then,” Mike suggested.

"It's too late for that-" The other soldier said. "Some lad uploaded a picture to the internet with the tag ' _Just stormed Area 51 with the Fam #madlads_ ' currently, it's top-rated post on Reddit, trending on Twitter, and the memes-" His arms go wide. "We're _fucked_."


End file.
